USCX cyclocross series is in the books, not only for my team, but for me. I actually raced all of the races in the 50+ category. Yes, I am that old. lol. Also, this group is super tough, deep, skilled, experienced and challenging. Earlier in the summer I told my friend (and national 50+ champion) Justin Morgan that I might race the masters for the cross series, thinking It would be an easy task and he said, “you might be able to get top 10.” I snorted at this statement with a healthy dose of “are you kidding me? I am gonna crush this”

How wrong I was……..how disrespectful that statement was.

The deets: Englewood CX I was 2nd both days, getting my teeth kicked in by the mighty Scot Daubert. Besides the team trailer being broken into Saturday night, getting my ass kicked was a rude awakening. I left Wisconsin thinking that I had some work to do, but also thinking, settle down dude, you have a team to run and riders and staff to look after….settle down.

Up next was Round 1 and 2 of the USCX series in Roanoke Virginia. The beating continued. 13th and 14th… i tried so fucking hard these 2 races and just got destroyed. Made the initial split of the front group, then just went backwards. Shocking to me. My ego was realing. Friends were heckling me, telling me to beat so and so or dont let so and so catch you, telling me the coach that I needed a coach. This heckling cracked me to be honest, fragile I guess. Embarrassed, we moved on to Rochester, New York. Another USCX series, and another tough weekend. 11th and 10th. Stupid mechanicals and the dreaded post front group fade had me hanging on to anything for the duration of both days. Again, the heckles thrown at me hit hard…am I having any fun? I have no strengths, is this worth my time? sigh…. at one point in between Rochester and our next stop in Baltimore I told myself I wasnt going to race any more. I wasnt sure if I was having fun, I was super anxious, didnt feel good about anything I had been doing and was causing an earlier day and a bit of work for my staff. Smart move was to stop racing.

Somehow, I decided to race at Blatimore…it was probably because of the mud. The mud was my savior, I know how to ride in the mud and fitness was not the answer to all things…..I rode myself into a 5th and a 4th at Charm City. that felt better, even though I missed the podium by 10 seconds on Sunday. Was it a better result that felt better? I dont think so. I think I finally had a race strength. I was riding the conditions better. That felt good. I liked that.

From there, we went to Trek Cup at Waterloo, I was ready go! But after Thursday prerides and no riding Friday, I felt myslef not wanting to race on Saturday. Anxious, no motivation. I almost didnt start. WTF is going on with me? My heart was racing, and I couldnt get a deep breath at all. Tough day for me. 11th. Sunday, same anxiety, almost didnt start, barely warmed up, asked someone in the start grid if there were any changes to the course… I didnt even look at the lap pre race. Managed 9th on the day. And I left the USCX feeling really weird about racing.

Thoughts:

I am not sure what to do moving forward…..

If I take it serious, I am a dickhead.

But I want to do better.

I want to have a strength regardless of fitness.

I want the heckles of my friends to be just fun and not get to me.

I want to have fun, find fun, get stronger, go faster, and faster and faster, I want to bunny hop, I want to post up!

Crazy that I feel these things after all these years, a lifetime of racing essentially