I’m not sure why, but today it seems appropriate to return to this blog and write down some of my thoughts. I’m not sure why or who this is for, but my gut feeling is this exercise is for me. If you happen upon it and read these words… thanks.

So, it’s been a second since I have been here blabbing about my endeavors. I will spare the full update, but I haven’t gotten any better at running since my last posts. I have grown to love running more… just to push the pause button on it for a while…and I don’t know why.

I tend to be in this cycle of getting myself into a really good rhythm of training and grinding, but never executing a “good” race. I wish I didn’t care, unfortunately I do. Le sigh

this Spring while enjoying the heck out of local trails and dreaming of summer access to higher trails I stopped running. I don’t know why, I just did. I had a little injury that wasn’t a big deal, i just used it as an excuse to stop. WTF? I don’t even know what to say, I just hit pause. A few weeks went by, maybe a month of no activity and I decided to start riding my bike…. which I had seriously put a pin in a long time ago…. and I don’t know what it was but it felt good and I found myself structuring my whole day around getting a ride in.

The riding came easy and I enjoyed it, I had some goals to chase, some friends to ride with and a mid week group ride to go on. I had gotten into Unbound 100 and I was super curious just to see how it would go.

Unbound was fun, got to ride with my team and I wasn’t thrashed post race. This got me motivated to do some more. I did Lost and Found and another gravel race in Nebraska popped up and coincided with a trip to Colorado so I rode that race too. Turns out this was scratching an itch I had and my mind thought about doing some cyclocross. Haha, ok. I didn’t really train, I just focused on consistent riding. Having raced 6 times this year… I wish I would have trained. Haha. I’m getting my ass kicked. That is a whole blog post in and of itself but not today.

The odd thing I want to write about is a mental curiosity about running again. I guess I’m left seeing this cycle of not being able to balance riding and running. I definitely feel like “I can’t do both” even though as a coach, I don’t believe that. Why can’t I just enjoy the activities? I really don’t know. I would think that cyclocross would be perfect for me to ride and run and not worry about 1 activity hurting the other. But why do I think that? What am I to gain at focusing on 1 activity exclusively? And if I need to focus on just 1 activity why am I vacillating now? Haha. Tormented!

So what is the draw to running in particular running trails in the forest and mountains? I think there is a draw to daily solitude, in a way you can’t achieve on a bike. On foot movement is so natural and it’s very awake in my being. Why did I deny myself this? Why can’t I find balance? What am I trying to feel? Ooof a lot to think about.

anyone reading this have any thoughts I’d love to read them. Feel free to leave your thoughts here.

Hopefully I will write more regularly here.